Vineland Park: A Poem & A Story

The Poem

It's loud. The chaos threatens to swallow me whole. I wonder if I’m worthy. If I'm enough. If I can do it. A friendly face answers the phone and reminds me that I can. I am. That even with the sound of the chaos in the background I shine beautiful. That I was put on this planet for a reason my purpose is bigger than any pain. Its larger than any obstacle I could ever face. My light shines for me first and then it spreads outward. I remember that I am a creature of Earth. That Nature is always what fills me back up when my cup is so empty that I can't even cry in color anymore. I sit with the trees, I feel the breeze filling me back up as the sun shines brightly to remind me of my own Power so even as the chaos moves all around you, I dare you to remember who you are you are bold you are beautiful and your purpose is far bigger than any pain you could ever experience. Today may hold space for your teardrops and today may not hold you as gently as you needed it to and I am with you my pain sees your pain and my purpose reminds you of your purpose. This world will not bring us down. It cannot stop us from finding the freedom that we were always meant to find so with the chaos going all around you, remember that when you are outside even with the cars going by, kids screaming in the background you can still hear the birds chirping through the wind.  

The Story

I remember this day. It was a sad and heavy day for me; for my spirit. I felt as if I didn't know how to move forward, as if everything I did do or manage to accomplish was somehow inherently wrong or invalid. Have you ever felt like that? Like nothing you did mattered so why do it? If you have felt the lingering heaviness of such feelings then you understand. You get that the type of pain caused from the despair of such moments goes far deeper than “just get over it”, and it certainly spans further than “one day it won’t hurt so much”. 

As someone who knows both sides of that coin far too well I can indeed tell you, that while those annoying cliches do nothing for us in those ripe moments of despair, they do ring true. As of today I write to you from the comfort of a local library no longer feeling the aches of such pains. While remnants of fragmented memories from that time do indeed still linger, my heart doesn’t feel as weighted down now as it did before. I do not feel as heavy. As beat up. As Broken. 

I share this story to say, it does indeed get better my friend. If you keep going long enough, keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking in one breath of fresh air at a time, It will get better. One day you will wake up and your insides won’t hurt so much. You will feel a little spark of something strange yet also vaguely familiar in your chest and will come to remember this feeling as joy. Unspeakable, unshakable, determined joy. Refusing to take no for an answer and refusing to stay down while demanding a seat at a table that has tried to leave you casted out for far too long. As the tears fall from my face as I write this, I hope you know, hope you FEEL, the strength of this reminder in your spirit. I hope you know that this too shall pass and I hope this story from this gentle yet determined stranger wraps you up in abundant love. 

May your insides hurt a little less today and may your heart find a reason to smile beyond the pain. I see you. I love you. You got this. 

With Love & Encouragement, 

Sia the Poet